When my son got married, thinking about marriage and weddings had me pondering what makes for successful togetherness. In the wedding mode, it’s easy to see how culture inspires a romantic image of “Happily Ever After.” Having been a couples’ therapist for 25 years, I’ve witnessed how this unrealistic expectation eventually turns into disappointment for so many couples. Like the country western song, “I Want You to Love Me Like My Dog Loves Me,” we secretly desire a partner who obeys and loves us no matter what. What are the odds?
In my own relationship and as a therapist, I’ve come to realize the importance of being both together and alone in a balanced, harmonious way. It may not seem as glamorous as those dramatic love stories, yet it works! … and you still get to experience the beauty of romance, in a lasting and sustainable way.
The poet Kahlil Gibran writes exquisitely about the delicious spaces between us:
“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each others cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone. Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow.”
Join me in the following 7 minute audio RIM Experience which will help you to awaken deeper self awareness of how you are in love. Simply click the play button below. Love to You… Dr. Deb Sandella:
Transcribed RIM Experience
Allowing your eyes to gently close and your attention to turn inward… take a deep cleansing breath in through your nose and out through your mouth…
With several more deep breaths, you notice how your shoulders naturally relax at a deeper level with each exhale…
Noticing how good it feels to relax and be present with yourself, your attention automatically drops into your heart, where you continue breathing in and out… in and out… in and out…
Being in your heart, notice your experience… emotionally and physically…
In a flash an image of whom you are in relationship with pops into awareness as you receive it as best as you can…
Welcoming this person while letting go of any urge to edit… you take a few deep breaths and gently grow more comfortable with what is present…
As you sense this person, you’ll notice how close or far away from you s/he is standing… and how that feels…
Your imagination brings you a number 1-10, with 10 representing perfect balance in being together and alone with this person.
Whatever number pops in your head of where you are currently, receive it… letting go of any desire to edit… sensing this number… imagine stepping into it… as you stand in it and look over at 10… you sense what you look like in your relationship while being together and alone in balance…
Take whatever time is needed…
If you choose, you can leap into this image of you that’s a perfectly balanced 10… and be it!
Notice how this feels in your mind… your body… your heart…
As your imagination easily brings you an awareness of your greatest personal learning… receive it as much as you can… and sense it living in your heart…
For more than 40 years, Award Winning and Best-Selling Author & Psychotherapist Dr. Deb Sandella has helped thousands heal trauma, move through grief and gain access to more laughter, greater financial success, and deeper, more loving relationships. This former university professor developed the RIM® (Regenerating Images in Memory) Method that alleviates suffering and supports you to claim the happier, healthier life you deserve. RIM® is used by therapists, coaches, organizational consultants and school social workers globally and has helped countless individuals transform past trauma for a more fulfilled life. She frequently brings her teachings to Jack Canfield’s events.
To learn about having a personal healing session or becoming a Certified RIM Facilitator visit the RIMinstitute.com
